30 December 2005
Friday, 10:00 PM (ET)
High-Level Journal Summary: After 247 days, I am finally able to drive again. 8 months and 4 days is a long time without wheels. As a result, I drove differently today. I look at driving differently than I ever could have before my 5/5/05 brain surgery.
Current Countdowns: Day 5 of 28 in my 3rd 5/23 chemo cycle. Today is the last day for me to take the 350 mg of Temodar chemotherapy in this 3rd cycle. All the killing of fast growing cells is now done in this cycle (for which I am glad). Now, I have about 9 more days for my body to absorb the physical impact of this treatment before starting to regain and rebuild again.
Seizure Activity: Last Grand Mal Seizure on 6/30/05. Last Simple Partial Seizure, or SPS, was 2 days ago on 12/28/05 (30 seconds, no Ativan emergency anti-seizure drug required).
Currently, we are trying to understand if I can get better seizure control with a lowered fluid intake to increase the sodium level in my blood. Today, I learned that my blood has INCREASED in sodium from 127 mmol/L (on 12/21/05) to 129 mmol/L (on 12/24/05). Dr. Pacia, my primary neurologist at NYU, wants to get my sodium to 130 mmol/L, at the very least. Good step in the right direction on 12/24/05, but still too low. My current sodium level is listed as "critically low" on my 12/24/05 hematology report.
Today's Journal: I've got to make this journal entry short. Why? I woke at 4 AM this morning and could not get back to sleep. I was like a 17-year-old inside. Today was the day I was medically and legally approved to start driving again. My car was sitting outside my home, and I knew that Best Buns (my favorite local bakery) opened at 6:30 AM. I could hardly wait.
While still in bed, I remembered what it was like 6 months ago to the day. At 4 AM, I was being checked into the Inova Fairfax Hospital Emergency Room by my Dad and by Jim Tardy, my neighbor who dove in to help in the middle of the night. 6 months ago. Wow. I had just experienced a Grand Mal Seizure that only happens to about 1% of all patients that have already had resective surgery on a brain tumor. As soon as I had that Grand Mal Seizure, the clock "reset" to a minimum of 6 more months until I could drive again.
I reviewed my handwritten journals to see the last date I drove my car. It was on April 26, 2005 -- just before I went to New York City for my 5/5/05 brain surgery. That was 247 days ago. Said another way, that was 8 months and 4 days ago.
Regardless, I was so anxious to drive that I didn't even shower when I got out of bed at 6 AM. I just threw on layers of clothes, took all my Temodar chemotherapy drugs, and headed out the door.
I could remember how to drive, fortunately. I just took conservative routes, as recommended by my primary neurologist, Dr. Steven Pacia at NYU. Like all things, I just need to slowly reintroduce elements back into my life. It is easier to add than subtract.
I drove differently, though. Some examples:
1.) When appropriate, I either changed lanes or pulled to the roadside when I detected aggressive drivers tailing me. I simply let them pass and then safely merged back into normal traffic.
2.) I took roads that I did NOT know, just like when I walk. I ventured out. Ironically, my sense of direction steered me correctly, and I was intuitively correct on all my guesses today. I felt slightly lost on 3 different occasions, but every time, I ended up saving time. As well, I discovered places I had never seen before, even though I have lived in this area for decades. (What was I thinking before?)
3.) I was able to get done in 1 hour what would have taken 4 hours before. Seriously. I saved that much time with my ability to drive. As such, I drove with a great deal of respect and thankfulness. I did not take it for granted one bit.
This is about slowly rebuilding
Those are some good examples of what felt different today. No matter what, I am just extremely thankful to have reached this point in my healing process. 270 days without playing my french horn with other musicians, and I got that experience again on 12/22/05. 247 days without driving, and I got that experience again on 12/30/05.
I am slowly starting to restore elements in my life. It is a patient process.
