21 May 2006
Sunday, 10:45 PM
High-Level Journal Summary: Looking for ways to transform day 6 and day 7 of each chemo cycle into something positive. Currently, such weekends have become something I do NOT like, simply because of all the fatigue I experience from chemotherapy.
An idea was born in a dream I had this afternoon. This idea might help solve this problem of dread. The idea? "Chemosabe Cinema." The origin of this phrase is long, but it gets down to turning every 4th week of chemo into 3 things: sleep, exercise, and cinema. Nothing more.
Making the next 1.5 years of chemotherapy as positive as possible could be a strategy that plays out in my favor. (At the very least, it would nice to have fun as the worst possible outcome.)
Countdowns:
1.) Day 7 of 28 in my 8th 5/23 Temodar chemotherapy cycle. True to form, day 7 has also been filled with chemo-based fatigue, just like day 6.
2.) Bi-monthly MRI at NIH is on 6/7/06. This will determine if my brain tumor is larger, smaller, or the same size.
Seizure Activity:
1.) Last Grand Mal Seizure was on 6/30/05.
2.) Last Simple Partial Seizure, or SPS, was 3 days ago. It lasted 2 minutes and required me to take my emergency drug, Ativan.
3.) I have now had 23 SPS's in the past 150 days (since 12/22/05). This is an average of 1 every 6.5 days.
Actual Journal: Day 7 of chemotherapy is always tough. I have slept 12 hours in the past 24, and as soon as I am done with this online journal entry, I am back in bed once again. My body is rejuvenating after those 5 consecutive days of chemotherapy.
To be quite honest, I do not look forward to the weekends after taking Temodar chemotherapy medication. As I have written in the past, I feel as if I am 30 years older in my energy level as a result of taking all this chemo. However, if things go well, I've still got about 1.5 years of chemo left to take. That's a long time. And dreading every 4th weekend for 1.5 years does not sound like a good approach.
In life, I like to look at things that are ostensibly obstacles and find ways to transform them into something else. I like taking something that just seems to stink and make it something that is ironically beautiful, instead. (This does not mean I literally like to do laundry, I must qualify.)
As I napped from 1:30 to 4:30 PM today, I dreamed about all this -- and I think I came up with a good solution.
The Lone Ranger
Starting in 1932, there was a radio program called "The Lone Ranger." This show aired on WXYZ in Detroit, Michigan. The owner of WXYZ, George Trendle, was trying to develop a popular radio program to keep WXYZ solvent during the Depression. "The Lone Ranger" was a Western with a hero who wore a mask while riding a white horse. Everyone knew him for his famous line, "Hi-Ho, Silver -- Away!"
The Lone Ranger also had a Native-American Partner named Kemosabe. After some web-based research, the best definition I have of the word Kemosabe is "trusty scout."
Chemosabe Cinema
With the above flashback to 1932 in mind, the word Kemosabe came to me as I dreamed during a nap this afternoon. I phonetically imagined the spelling to be "chemo-sabe" because of my chemotherapy treatment. Then, I imagined the alliteration of words beginning with the letter "C" and I heard the funky cacophony of this letter in the alphabet. Mix all this up with very real problem-solving (and goofiness) that occurs in dreams, and I woke with the phrase "Chemosabe Cinema."
I thought about this phrase while I walked this afternoon, and it just seemed to evoke this image of a little kid sitting in a cinema watching movie-based versions of "The Lone Ranger," with anticipation that had built for days or weeks. He was finally going to see the masked man. He was finally going to see Kemosabe.
Weird enough yet?
I actually think there is something of erudite value after the last few "right-brain paragraphs." Here it is. What happens if I turn these dreaded day 6/day 7 weekends into something fun...something to be anticipated? What happens if I turn them into something like a Chemosabe Cinema weekend?
After all, I'm depleted of energy. So sleep, exercise, and go the movies. That's it! I would have the P-E-R-F-E-C-T excuse to hang out at the movie theater. Guilt for not being more productive in life could be cast to the side. It would be a mellow use of my waking hours between naps and exercise.
I'm really serious about this
My spirits are still up, despite the not-so-fun weekend. However, I am serious about finding ways to transform such weekends into something anticipated, instead. The compounded effect of these dreaded weekends cannot be a good thing over time.
There are some serious boundaries I must operate within, though. My appetite is depressed, my energy is way down, and I need to sleep about 50% of the time. Given all this, movies sound like a great solution. Plus, I love arthouse cinema and I am behind on my movie watching.
So, on the next chemo cycle, I am going to give "Chemosabe Cinema" a shot. I think it will be better than what I experienced this weekend. It will put a positive spin on something than has evolved negatively. I think that this change in perspective will be psychologically to my advantage during the next 1.5 years of chemotherapy.
"Hi-Ho, Silver -- Away!" (...that is, to bed.)
