30 September 2008
Tuesday, 9:40 PM
High-Level Journal Summary: Writing too late this evening and feeling it in my gut. I was only off by one hour, but it was enough to turn my mind to virtual mush. I need to get to bed quickly and try to compensate for whatever my body is telling me.
Countdowns:
1.) Day 19 of 28 in Cycle 1 of the Avastin + Enzastaurin Clinical Trial at the National Institutes of Health (NIH).
2008 Seizure Activity:
1.) Last Simple Partial Seizure, or SPS, was 18 days ago.
2.) In 2008, I have had 80 SPS's in 274 days. This is an average of 1 SPS every 3.4 days.
Website Updates:
The "2008 Primo Fest" is now at the top of the Home page, the top of the Messages tab, and the top of the Daily Journals tab. This makes this material all the more aware for the next month, when it is being advertized the most.
Actual Journal: It is sort of strange to see all that is going on around me right now. I've said it before, and I'll say it again many times again in the future. This event is happening right now, in real time, and there is a strong mechanism in place for capturing information -- good, bad, real, negative, whatever it may be in that exact moment.
There is power in each of these moments. Other people can see this. Why can this be seen so easily by other people? I just need to keep listening to what my body is telling me.
News
I started this online journal entry at 9:00 PM, and I am breaking down as I type. It leaves me hanging, strapping for words. Why is this? What causes this breakdown? By 10 PM, I must be in bed, one way or another. Further, I must sleep for that entire 8-hour period.
This is a major change from my overall sleeping period from earlier this year. It is almost as if I missed something earlier this evening, and I am now trying so hard to make up for it.
Should I feel bad about this? Or, should I listen to this and do something great with it? I am almost too tired to find an answer for these questions this evening. I am a mess, and I can feel it to my gut.
