13 October 2008
Monday, 6:05 PM
High-Level Journal Summary: Trying to wrap up the last several days of vacation in Florida, just the day before I head back to Virginia.
What did I decide? I have decided that I have enough time to take care of my body these few days in ways that are healthy for myself.
Was this my original plan when I came out here? No! But, this is what it evolved into. I should not necessarily second-guess myself. Rather, I should learn to go with it and give myself a brief break in all that I do. After all, the heavy-duty work will begin again in less than 24 hours.
Countdowns:
1.) Day 4 of 28 in Cycle 2 of the Avastin + Enzastaurin Clinical Trial at the National Institutes of Health (NIH).
2008 Seizure Activity:
1.) Last Simple Partial Seizure, or SPS, was 31 days ago.
2.) In 2008, I have had 80 SPS's in 287 days. This is an average of 1 SPS every 3.6 days.
Actual Journal: I am still down in Florida. Today is my last full day. Instead of trying to get a lot of things done, I just let myself go for the day. Sure, there were lots of things I could have gotten done today. Instead, I was up at 6:30 AM (late for me) and I went from there. I needed to be alone, which I got in full droves.
What else?
By 9 AM, I had a superior massage again, this one for free. Now why the heck did she do this for me? I asked her straightly, but she was a bit vague in her answer. She answered that sometimes it is best to do things even when there is no real time to do them. She felt that I had that need, more than I realized. So, she made room for me to make this happen.
I can tell you, it felt great. I had new feelings from this massage, which were only matched by her last massage of me on this past Saturday.
What is next?
I think I am just going to cut my losses for this trip once and for all. Yes, I have felt guilty in the past several days for how little I got done during this time, but that is probably a healthy thing, more than anything else. Sometimes, I just need a brief period of time to take a step back and catch up with myself in other areas of life.
I will enter Tuesday with a fresh set of eyes, young and healthy. This is exactly what I needed, one way or another. I could have resisted this period for a lengthy bit of time, but I know that taking this period was extremely healthy for me to do. I know that I needed this time in my life. I know that I needed to do all this. My body needed this break, one way or another.
What tonight?
I am intentionally writing this journal entry early this evening. I want to have my entry completed, and I want to have brain tumor thoughts out there. If anyone wants to beat me up for my thinking right now, please do so.
I just want to ensure that I am balancing all my activities in healthy ways, in ways that are good for me. If not, beat me up (please). I need to be thinking correctly on this trip. The best way is to get the counsel from people I like and love. Oh -- and we had this counsel in and around a 1-hour boat trip near Winter Park, Florida, so we had some very nice balance to it all. Amen!
